I am Sam
Sam McGreer
A total geek
when it comes to beer.
Beer is my passion–
like love you see
my life was changed
by an epiphany
When a youthful taste
for getting pissed
was cured one night
when I was kissed
by a little beer angel
who taught me all
–’twas my very first taste
of biere d’Orval.
I adore the fresh, I honor the aged
joy to me is a cork that’s caged;
but Westy 12 or session pils
sharing brings the biggest thrills
So tell me friend, and be sincere,
Do you like green hops in beer?
No! I don’t like them, Sam Mcgreer
I do not like green hops in beer.
I love a salsa bold and hot
but a gourmet item beer is not.
A bloody steak I think is bliss
yet beer must be akin to piss.
No contradiction there I see
stuck in my beer puberty.
Like a frat boy on a friday night
I might wreck my car — I may start a fight
I lift weights, I’m a stud and I’m wild
but offered stout I’m still but a child.
I cannot hack a bitter brew
with calories more than sixty two.
But would you like them here or there?
At a beer fest in the mountain air?
Bavaria or the Scottish Isles
avant garde or classic styles?
Compare these fruity weizen bocks
beside your beer’s stench of socks.
Why not choose a yeasty wit
over beer that smells like hamster shit?
No!
I would not like them here or there.
I would not like them in Brussel’s square.
I do not like your fancy beers.
I do not like them, Sam Mcgreer.
Said Sam Mcgreer: just looky here!
at this lofty head of foamy cheer
it’s clinging froth a lace brassiere
you might just like this cloudy beer.
I will NOT like that murky beer.
forget the nuance, I want austere!
it’s change of any kind I fear
though you may plead, though you may jeer
I will not like it, Sam Mcgreer.
But would you enjoy a citrus zest?
–the aroma hop heads love the best?
would you thrill to caramel malt,
the sweetness of a German Alt?
No!
Not with a monk.
Nor bretty funk,
not in a bar
featuring live guitar
I won’t even sniff your English ale–
hops of pine, malts toasted pale.
I’d insult it with a snicker
whilst horking on a cheap malt liquor.
But how would you?
how could you?
In a blind taste and a proper glass
continue to be such an ignorant ass?
Served beside gateau epinard
who could refuse a French biere du garde?
I would not, could not,
to an om-pah band
drink bocky beers in munich and–
pretend I hate things that are canned
as I quaff Tecate on the sand
and remain a dunce in a foreign land.
I like them, crave them, Sam you see
“less filling” beers are ecstacy
this twelve pack box is a bargain buy!
so Trappist ales I’ll never try
I care not for barley wines or wits
REAL beers have ads with ass and tits!
Soda poppy and with a lime
though it may reek of corny grime
I only know what i’ve been told
that beer is light
that beer is cold.
said Sam in prayer, close to despair
I’ve got oak-aged ales to share
you’ve been a jerk when I’ve been fair
I’ve offered beers beyond compare
at this point I scarcely care,
but will you hear this final dare?
You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them! Try one!
And you may.
Try a Bleu Chimay I say.
If you don’t love this splendid brew
I’ll dip my ass in Elmer’s glue
and from a Cave Creek chili beer
I’ll jam that pepper up my rear!
Sam!
You arrogant prick
You insufferable pest,
you’re making me sick
will you give it a rest?!?
but…
if you will only CEASE to be-
go to Belgium, climb a tree
I will try one–You will see.
I might gag–may wreck my spleen
but to finally shut you up ol’ bean–
I’d drink a pint of gasoline!
So with wire cage sprung, the cork is drawn
the foam appears in billows on
an umber pour, ester notes arise
of woody casks and baking pies
–noble hops, a trace of plum
enough to stun our stubborn chum!
he makes a face but takes the glass
considers scent in a hasty pass
steels his nerve and takes a sip
great beer at last has passed his lips!
It seems at first he can’t decide:
yield to joy or cling to pride?
Will he error on the side
of allegiance to all the crap he’s tried?
He speaks at last
his grin is wide
conceptions past are cast aside
a tentative sip becomes a quaff
as he climbs out of the trough
Sweet mother!
I DO like green hops in beer!
I do! I like them, Sam McGreer!
don’t mock me now but pour another
and toast your newest Ratebeer brother!
And send down that angel
to teach me a-bout
the wonders of rauchbier,
kolsch and stout…
And I will drink them in the rain.
And in the dark. And on a train.
And even though I know I’m blathering
I want to join the summer gathering!
I need to meet the Ratebeer hordes
and share in that unique accord
the rapture great craft beer affords
by raising a glass among the lords!
there’s Fly- Silk-TAR and Krisbierjaeger
I vow I’m through with corporate lager
And with each new brew that is poured
more love for beer I move towards!
I do so like
green hops in beer!
Thank you!
Bless you,
Sam McGreer!
____________________
http://www.AmiHopfen.com
Hopfen vom Ami, aus Amiland und anderswo
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